I have studied Louie’s Marriage Prospectus and feel that his investment portfolio will likely produce consistently high long-term dividends and benefits.
I have examined Melanie’s Marriage Prospectus and declare it
to be a low-risk investment with a high-yield return. Mergers and
Acquisitions are also planning a public offering.
I promise to love and cherish Louie even though he gets a vicarious thrill from turning things off.
I pledge to honour and adore Melanie even though she gets a perverse pleasure from turning things on.
Should Louie ever become physically incapacitated, I promise
to feed him liquid chocolate intravenously. This I do solemnly swear.
Should Melanie ever become intellectually afflicted, I will
assume the role of general factotum PHD.
My dearest love, the best of what I am,
Is a reflection of the best that shines in you.
My happiness and joy, and the jubilation within my soul,
Thrive at the touch of your tender and loving embrace.
My fidelity will always be your compass,
My nurture your constant companion,
My public declaration, your private confidante.
From now until the stars grow cold,
Just as I have said at this time told,
Your devoted lover I will remain,
In sickness and in health, in sunshine and in rain.
I’ll love you if we’re rich, I’ll love you in a ditch.
I’ll love you if we’re poor, and I’ll love you when you snore.
On this day I pronounce: If there is a question that Louie cannot answer, then there must be a discrepancy or inaccuracy in the question itself. At no time was I under duress or threat of physical harm during this declaration, presence of a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay notwithstanding.
On this day I declare, though it pains me greatly: Melanie is the superior Gin player…….statistically.
When skies are cloudy and grey, despair not nor weep tears,
For I will paint rainbows in your eyes.
And when you are tired and weary, do not fret nor sigh,
For I am your comforting angel, never far away.
My solemn pledge on this grand day,
Is to have you and to hold you, in the most affectionate way,
To spoil you with sweets and treats, and dollops of ice cream,
To play with your ears and chase your dreams,
To tickle your belly, and scratch your back,
Too hug you so tightly and never look back.
For all the glorious days that lay ahead,
The rapturous nights of our cozy bed,
From this day forward, neither neglectful be,
But precious and playful, adoring and smart,
Louie, I am beholden to you and you alone
My wonderful, cherished, work of art.
My shadow will always be your blanket,
My mischievous nature your playful accomplice,
My triumphant posture the good fortune of your accomplishments.
Your comfort is my quest, your peace, my desire.
Your hopes and dreams, my ardent goals.
And as our love moves from the sun to the shade,
A binding promise on this day made,
My darling companion, my eternal friend,
May the romance never fade, may the love never end.
My soul has found a minstrel, a knight beside my hearth,
An elegant accomplice to share this precious earth.
Charm me and disarm me, embrace my candid heart,
For from this day forward, we shall never, ever part